Lullabyes for an Insomniac

Insomnia has been really rough lately. I am averaging 2 hours a night. My CPAP is having to be replaced, which doesn't help. I knew I had to be up at 2:30 this morning to take Richard to work, but woke up at midnight. I am still wide awake, but I know I am going to be ready to doze off about the time I need to start getting ready for work.  I tried the counting sheep ploy, but the sheep started to look and act bizarre, so I decided to get up. I made some Boo bags to take to work, so was a productive night.  It's hard to get excited about the productivity... I would rather have slept. 

There is some horrible TV in the middle of the night. Commercials for everything you never imagined and really bad sitcom reruns. I got to thinking about people in hospitals and nursing homes that can't sleep. People that are dealing with life issues and are lonely. People with terminally ill children. People with no friends. I read somewhere that the unhappier people are, the more TV they watch. People who can't sleep at night are probably unhappy. And the crap that is on TV is enough to make someone suicidal. I have the option to get crafty, play on the internet or read... but what about all those people who don't have the same resources I do? What do they DO all night? Watch this crap and cry? Or worse, pick up the phone to order things, simply to have some human contact? It's depressing. And wrong. Why are insomniacs targeted with bad TV and awful commercials for kitchen gadgets and cheap costume jewelry?

My stitches are itching too. I am fricken tired of wearing the damn bandana to work. I gave a speech yesterday in Toastmasters looking like a hippie. Not an image I normally project. Of course, the department manager was at the meeting..... As I gave the speech, I had an almost overwhelming urge to scratch my head. It made me mess up my speech quite a bit because it was such a distraction. Itchy, itchy, itchy!  My speech was actually an interpretive reading. I read "The Price" by Neil Gaiman, which was appropriate for the time of year. I am glad to get it over with.

Richard and I decided for various reasons (mainly because he has to be at work at 4am on Sunday) to stay at home on Saturday, rather than going to The Mark, as planned. While I normally prefer to stay at home, I was really looking forward to dressing up, seeing the others' costumes, and listening to the band. Oh well. This means I wasted close to $20 on tulle, rose petals, leaves, and feathers for my fairy costume. I will have to find another use for the stuff.  We decided to go out to dinner and maybe watch a movie.  We'll probably load up YoYo and head over to Shelby Bottoms early in the day and take a long walk.  We wanted to have fun this weekend, as next weekend is earmarked for cleaning and organizing the storage unit.

Okay. Going to try to lie down for 45 minutes. Probably a bad idea, but I REALLY want some sleep.

I have been busy, busy, busy. I have kept my dreamwidth account pretty updated, but that is a private journal. I was too lazy to put the rated G parts on LJ. I have made a vow to start this journal back.

Quick recap since move in July:

Home-
-Settled in and Richard and I feel like we've lived together forever
-The apartment is working out, except for the jackass upstairs that plays his music too loud and paces all the time
-Richard asked me to marry him, although not formally. Just discussed it. We agreed to table it until the first of the year.
                                (I love Richard, but am not in love with him. Rocky still flits at the edge of my brain)
-I have not only failed to blog, but crafting fell by the wayside. I dragged my sewing machine out last week and started a project!
                                (Thank you, Julia Cameron and Claudine Hellmuth, for inspiration)
-I have been taking advantage of living in Nashville and have been going to festivals, museums, and boutique stores to my heart's content. I have a membership to the zoo and have gone several times. Pictures below under the cut.
-YoYo and Jenny are coexisting peacefully, a shocker
-YoYo slipped out of his collar one day last week and was hit by a car. He is okay, but I went through a really bad 48 hours
-I spent a weekend in Baptist Hospital because of chest pains. Not a heart attack. Panic was the diagnosis. (sigh)
-I had a cyst removed from my scalp this week. I was traumatized because when I raised my head from the pillow, blood was soaked into the pillow.
-I was diagnosed with CFS.
-Several deaths in family and among friends led to a slight depression but I am dealing with it
-I cut myself off from the pettiness on swap-bot and quit swapping there
-I also quit swapping anywhere, but want to start back soon
-I met a really cool couple here in Nashville, all artsy fartsy. It was nice to meet people that like the same stuff I do
-I applied to be a writer for a website. Haven't heard back yet, but even if rejected, was good to stretch my writing muscles to apply
-Started studying for Microsoft Certification
-Have watched more movies in the past few months than in my entire life before now

Kids:
John-working toward GED, as his boss will help him get into Art Institute of Atlanta Culinary School. Has a lovely girlfriend that appears to be more sane than his last few choices. We went to see him in August and had a great time
Nicki-same-o, same-o. She has been dealing with some health issues but is reasonably okay
Nathan-is working for TDOT and discussing going to NADC in the spring


Work:
I am grateful to have a job
I am grateful to have a job
I am grateful to have a job
Maybe if I say it enough, I can make myself accept the soulless and thankless job I have


Spirituality:
What can I say? I have sadly neglected that part of me. I need to work on this.
( Nashville Zoo at Grassmere )

I moved!

I am in Nashville, minutes from the airport. It cuts 15-20 minutes off my commute, which is wonderful. The move has left me so broke I can't even pay attention, but that is okay. I love being this close to so many of my favorite places. My apartment is no great shakes, but I can't really complain. I am on an upper floor and I have a lovely view of Murfreesboro Rd, the Krystal sign, a sports bar, and the planes taking off. I was able to keep YoYo, which REALLY made me happy. NOT so happy that I have to find Ruby a home. I feel like I am letting her down.

Most importantly,  the move puts me 15 minutes from Richard. This is extremely important to both of us. After a month, the relationship has really gotten intense and we are quite enraptured with one another.... a surprise to both of us. I have not journaled about Richard here, all the entries have been in my private journal, as what I feel about him is just too new and precious to share right now, even with the few people left that read my sporadic entries.

After the Rocky debacle, I was very wary of letting my feelings loose, but this has been nothing but positive. There are no doubts in my mind about Richard... it's like we have known each other forever and we have just very quickly and naturally fallen into each others'  lives like we belong to each other.  It seems right to be together and we bring out the best in each other, I believe. We are building a splendid structure together, one that I hope lasts for a very long time.