Lullabyes for an Insomniac

I have been busy, busy, busy. I have kept my dreamwidth account pretty updated, but that is a private journal. I was too lazy to put the rated G parts on LJ. I have made a vow to start this journal back.

Quick recap since move in July:

Home-
-Settled in and Richard and I feel like we've lived together forever
-The apartment is working out, except for the jackass upstairs that plays his music too loud and paces all the time
-Richard asked me to marry him, although not formally. Just discussed it. We agreed to table it until the first of the year.
                                (I love Richard, but am not in love with him. Rocky still flits at the edge of my brain)
-I have not only failed to blog, but crafting fell by the wayside. I dragged my sewing machine out last week and started a project!
                                (Thank you, Julia Cameron and Claudine Hellmuth, for inspiration)
-I have been taking advantage of living in Nashville and have been going to festivals, museums, and boutique stores to my heart's content. I have a membership to the zoo and have gone several times. Pictures below under the cut.
-YoYo and Jenny are coexisting peacefully, a shocker
-YoYo slipped out of his collar one day last week and was hit by a car. He is okay, but I went through a really bad 48 hours
-I spent a weekend in Baptist Hospital because of chest pains. Not a heart attack. Panic was the diagnosis. (sigh)
-I had a cyst removed from my scalp this week. I was traumatized because when I raised my head from the pillow, blood was soaked into the pillow.
-I was diagnosed with CFS.
-Several deaths in family and among friends led to a slight depression but I am dealing with it
-I cut myself off from the pettiness on swap-bot and quit swapping there
-I also quit swapping anywhere, but want to start back soon
-I met a really cool couple here in Nashville, all artsy fartsy. It was nice to meet people that like the same stuff I do
-I applied to be a writer for a website. Haven't heard back yet, but even if rejected, was good to stretch my writing muscles to apply
-Started studying for Microsoft Certification
-Have watched more movies in the past few months than in my entire life before now

Kids:
John-working toward GED, as his boss will help him get into Art Institute of Atlanta Culinary School. Has a lovely girlfriend that appears to be more sane than his last few choices. We went to see him in August and had a great time
Nicki-same-o, same-o. She has been dealing with some health issues but is reasonably okay
Nathan-is working for TDOT and discussing going to NADC in the spring


Work:
I am grateful to have a job
I am grateful to have a job
I am grateful to have a job
Maybe if I say it enough, I can make myself accept the soulless and thankless job I have


Spirituality:
What can I say? I have sadly neglected that part of me. I need to work on this.
( Nashville Zoo at Grassmere )

Cold Moon

Birch Moon

I finished my tip-ins for hag53's altered book/BOS. I made a card style spread, so she can insert it into her book either attached or split apart. The theme is January's full moon and I chose to include information about the Celtic Cold Moon or Birch Moon. It is very plain, but I wanted to give the sense of darkness and the moon shedding light.

 

 

The past couple of weeks have been busy and up and down, as always.

Biggest news is that John was here for 4 whole days! We had a good time, although we mainly stayed at home. Katie came over Saturday and we played with the Wii and then she and Nicki made soap while John and Nathan played games.  I hated to see John leave on Sunday, but he has made a definite commitment to return to TN in April, when his lease is up.

Have had car issues and plumbing issues in past couple of weeks, but I refuse to dwell on them.

Doug sent me a sewing machine and I have started a number of small goddess dolls that I will complete in the next couple of weeks for PIFs and swaps. I am looking for vintage bra patterns, now that I have a decent machine. I can hardly wait to get crafting.  He also sent me a camera, which is a lot of fun. I haven't had much chance to play with it yet, but am looking forward to being able to take clearer pics! Such sweet and thoughtful gifts. But that is Doug. That Christmas tree he sent was a big hit with the kids. :)

Bon & J are fighting.... depressing.

I passed my courses, although since that last paper I handed in was so bad, I dropped from an A to a C. I am not ashamed of it... A C is respectable after being out of school for 25 years, but it irritates me that I let a work project take precedence over school. This also means I am only reimbursed 50% for tuition, which sucks.Won't happen again. I dropped out of all committee and projects at work. I just want to go in and work... then go home.  I still need to finish those last two speeches in Toastmasters. I put them off in November, but have asked if I can do a speak-a-thon to get both out of the way before I schedule those damn surgeries. We'll see.

Was doing some research for an elemental altar today:

Air-
East (duh)

Projective energy, intelligence, creativity, communication, imagination, ideas, dreams, wishes, psychic powers, travel

Symbols: wind, breezes, clouds, feathers, smoke, herbs, incense

Goddesses: Aradia, Arinrhod, Urainia
Gods: Enlil(another raping god, for crying out loud)
Spirits: zephyrs (I love that word), fairies, tree spirits

Colors: yellow, white

Stones: topaz, pumice, rainbow stones, crystals, amethyst, alexandrite

Metals: tin and copper

Animals: eagle, spider, raven


I think from this, I can come up with a great altar to put by my crafting area......

November is almost over.

Someone gifted me with www.wellwornpath.com/ deck. I have looked at a few times and expressed a desire to learn more about it. After looking through the cards and the book, I came to the conclusion that it probably is not what I was thinking. I am afraid that I will probably just use the cards a altar components or meditation tools, rather than trying to use them as a divination system. But I could be wrong. I try to remain open and will look at them again.... but... I feel let down a little bit. The pictures are indeed lovely.

Ugh. I have a horrible headache this morning. I have taken aspirin, but it is just not going away.

It's over! Finished! Finally!

Presentation was as grim as I feared. The person responsible for clicking the Power Point wasn't listening to me and failed to click through as I was speaking. After I finished, as I was walking away, I saw the screen clicking through to my last quote, then he asked if I was going to say the quote.... I already DID! Geez. Was unorganized and did not flow. And I was in so much pain, I couldn't remember what I was supposed to say... I used no notes, however... was able to wing it and it flowed, I thought. The one that was on vacation all last week read her entire speeh.... which was the cut and paste job from MY writing.
I am SO DAMN GLAD I AM FINISHED. I earned that damn certificate that is hung on my "meaningless pieces of paper" wall.

And my neck is better today, thankfully. Still incredibly stiff, but I do have some movement.

My "Seasons of the Witch" planner came in the mail yesterday and I was so excited. I have wanted  one of those for a few years. I was afraid it would be full of references to witch-school, of which I do not approve, but as I was perusing it, I only saw it mentioned once, at the beginning- in the intro. It is a beautiful planner and I am sure I will derive much enjoyment in the use of it  after the first of the year.
Thank you Amazon, for making it affordable!

It's chilly this morning.... brrr.....went to Wal-Mart yesterday and stared at the heaters for a long time, but resisted buying.

I am really struggling with this report and feel doomed to failure. I am very unhappy with the other members of the project and have expressed to my supervisor. I dithered... my name is going on the report, so I don't want to do a shoddy job, but I am absolutely not writing the whole thing. So, I decided (with supvr support) to write my part and when I give the proof copy to the others, they will see that none of their stuff is in it. Still stressful... I honestly don't think they are going to give me anything.

I will be so damn glad when November is over. I hate November with an unholy passion.

I got a couple of things from my to-do list done, but not a lot. I was still feeling rough yesterday and went to bed at 7:30 or so. I feel better today, but all I want to do is bundle up and lie on the sofa.

Thoughts on Hestia~ The Forgotten Goddess
(Very rambling.....)

Hestia is the goddess of the sacredness of the ordinary... Our Lady of Everyday things. Her name means "the essence", which is perfect, I think.  I always think of Hestia as a center of the household, calm, collected, tolerant, and welcoming.  The Greek goddess equivalent to the Christian Martha?

She is the goddess of the deep inward center and helps to provide a balanced life through the endless repetition of daily household tasks. It's almost a zen-like philosophy, I think. Every time I wash dishes or feed my family, I am honoring Hestia. I am honoring her every morning when light my candle in the kitchen altar.  Every household task, every attempt at order and cleanliness, nurturing, and hospitality honors Hestia.

Hestia is the goddess of the hearth. Since most modern households do not rely on the hearth for sustenance and warmth, the kitchen is the modern day hearth. It seems like most parties end up in the kitchen. An unconscious desire to be near the hearth? It is the heart of the home. Since Hestia was not involved in any major conflicts and there aren't many stories about her, it's understandable that she is considered forgotten, especially in light of modern conveniences.

Ancient artwork does not show Hestia in human/goddess form very often. She is typically represented by flames or circles. The flame is fairly obvious, but I was thinking about circles... why? This is what I came up with: Circles are complete in themselves, whole, and perfect. They are a complete boundary with an open center to represent the centering of self.  Since Hestia's Greek name means "essence", a circle would be appropriate to depict this.


Hestia, in the high dwellings of all, both deathless gods and men who walk on earth, you have gained an everlasting abode and highest honor: glorious is your portion and your right. For without you mortals hold no banquet, where one does not duly pour sweet wine in offering to Hestia both first and last. --Homeric Hymn to Hestia

Correspondences:

 Hearth, home, living flame, architecture, bowl, veils, pantry, and keys

Animals: Donkey (due to the attempted rape by Priapus? donkeys are a symbol of lust), calf, and pigs
Plants: Olive Tree, Angel's trumpet, California poppy, goldenrod, hollyhock, purple coneflower, and yarrow
Perfumes / Scents: Angelica, iris, lavender, and peony
Colors: Gold, dark rose, lavender, silver, and black
Gems and Metals: Amethyst, garnet, gold, silver, and brass

 
It's Autumn and thoughts of warmth and home are filling my head.

So I was terribly lazy yesterday, spent most of the day vegging on the couch. The only energy I really expended was to take the dogs to the park and walk them. Exhausted all of us, but I didn't want to waste such a beautiful day. It's November and the rains should be upon us soon. I have to finish my papers today!!!! and do laundry.

I am re-reading "Devil in the White City." I forgot how fascinating the story is, so glad I found it again.!

I also picked up my copy of "Grandmother of Time" and scanned what Ms. Budapest says about November. I find it amusing that the subtitle for November story  is, "Troubles, Troubles, Boil and Bubbles." It sums up my feelings about the month in general. Nothing good happens in November, and something awful usually does happen. I always want to just hibernate and skip the entire month.


According to goddess.com.au
Rhiannon is my birth goddess. It's funny, for the last few months, Rhiannon (and to a lesser degree, Epona)  has been popping up everywhere, not the least of which is my very real craving for this box:



Seriously, I am having a hard time not ordering this. I want it pretty badly, but it is not in my budget at all.

I know she is traditionally associated with birds, but it's the horse aspect that suddenly fascinates me. I have never been a horsey person, so I am mystified. Maybe I am too close to all these horses around here.....

I am a Sagittarius and was born in the Chinese Year of the Horse and now I am told Rhiannon is my birth goddess.
How is that for an overload of horse attributes?

Rhiannon is associated with fertility (not anything that needs to apply to me), rebirth and transformation (I think THIS is what I am working through), wisdom (still drawn to Hermit card too, so this is present) and magic. She was born at the first moonrise, giving her an inner urge for adventure and travel (definitely applies to me and may explain the horse symbolism?).
Rhiannon women can be so focused on the horizon, they may be insensitive to others and could use a little tact (made me shriek with laughter, that!)

Rhiannon is the muse of poets and artistic inspiration.....

And on a lighter note.... The Fleetwood Mac song is running through my brain.
And I am inspired to put together another shrine.... hmmm.... not one single horse item in the house, so will have to be creative. Maybe this will be my reward to finishing my papers!

No, haven't lost my mind...... Pagan New Year.
I enjoyed my Samhain ritual very much. Details are confined to paper journal.




National Blog Post Month



nablopomo.ning.com/

I am not up for NaNoWriMO, but I think I can challenge myself to post here every day for a month. I have done very well in writing in my paper journal every day, but I tend to put the synopsis here. Maybe I need to theme the online journal. Nah... probably too much effort would have to be expended.



Saw the doctor again and slowly.... oh ever so slowly... we are getting a picture of all that is wrong with me and putting together a plan.
Still do not have thyroid test results, which worries me. The specialist did not forward those results to my doctor, for some reason.

For sure, will have to have the tonsils removed (I feel like a little kid) and my jaw realigned. Ouch. This can wait until after the first of the year, thankfully.

Trying to deal with the multiple bulging discs with pain relievers, anti-inflammatories, and rest. This is causing SOME of the tingly, numbness in hand and face, as it's my upper back that is screwed up, rather than the lumbar area, which is more common..... the other reason is I most definitely have CTS.... dealing with it on same meds as for back + wrist brace, for the moment. These are not huge concerns, I am  just glad to have symptoms explained. Still have the nerologist to see, yet... although I think I will put that off to after the first of the year also. 

My burned hand seems to be healing nicely and I think I will only have one bad scar, about the size of a quarter.  Maybe not even that.  The skin is peeling off of the area that wasn't burned as badly and it is just gross. The 2nd degree burn area is still swollen and hurts, but the doctor was amazed it looks as well as it does, as I didn't go to the doctor when it happened. Ice, aloe, and neosporin!


Sleep study in December.

GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For the very first time in over a  year, my blood pressure was in the normal range!  I guess my uber expensive prescription is worth it.


Went to the football game last night and walked Nathan across the field with all the seniors. It was fun, although I nearly froze.
It was kinda sad, though. That will be the last time I have an excuse to watch the marching band.

Spending the rest of the weekend working on my research papers, both for work and school. Not enthused about either topic, so have been procrastinating and staring at the screen a lot. Bleah.

So, I wasn't up to ritual or really much of anything on Mabon, but last night I had a sudden urge to put together an altar and do an impromptu ritual of thanksgiving for all that I have been given this year. I tend to complain more than I should and I really do have a lot to be grateful for.
The altar turned out really pretty, I thought.

( pictures: )


While I had the camera out, I took a picture of my kitchen altar. There are shelves on either side of my kitchen window and one is dedicated to my household altar. That altar is not exactly as I would like, but it serves. I recently added the cross stitch that gypsytemptress made for me and I think it really helped to complete it. I light the candle the little earth mother is holding every morning while I grind the coffee and brew and just stare at it while I wait for the coffee to magically be brewed and ready to drink.

( kitchen altar picture )
I took the day off to go to the heart doctor today. I am scheduled for a number of tests that I don't want to go into.

On Monday, I went to my regular doctor, as my face was tingly and my fingers were going numb. He ruled out a stroke, which I didn't think I had anyway, but ordered a brain scan. No stroke but they found a cyst in my sinuses (which explains a lot of other things) and I have to see an ENT specialist at the end of the month. My face and arm are still tingly so have to go Friday for a complete MRI. I am NOT happy about these things, but trying to be pragmatic and practical.

I am pretty tired.

I filled out the questionnaire for the full_moon_swaps  October swap today. It was pretty deep stuff and I stared into space for nearly 2 hours, trying to put in words some very personal feelings and attitudes. All this before I finished the first cup of coffee. Whew!

It made me think a lot about how much of a traditionalist I am, despite my "who cares" attitude. I miss the family gatherings, I miss the connection to family. I DON'T miss my family in particular, but the idea of the family. Even before the theme was posted, I was thinking about Mima and Papa, have for all of this year. Maybe having a home and doing things to make a home have made me feel a deeper connection to them. I have been trying to locate Glenna so I can get a copy of the family history, but with no luck. I may ask Alicia, as if she doesn't have a copy, maybe she can borrow Mother's and have it copied.

I also keep thinking about Papa Charlie. Even though he died when I was five, I have vivid memories of him and can still feel his love, today.

I looked up the Family Crest and was reminded of the family motto: "it behooves us to live". It has also been translated as "we must live", which makes a heck of a lot more sense, since it comes from the borderlands, where people did what they had to, in order to survive. I like that translation better. It goes with the 3 foxes on the crest.... foxes do what they must to survive.

It also made me think about how lackadaisical (great word!) I have been about honoring my ancestors and how I don't take enough time to center myself and live life the way I know I should.  A timely reminder.

Samhain is the New Year for me. A time for reflection and renewal. I am giving serious thought to how I intend to observe Samhain this year. Out come the books!

Closer is Mabon. It is MONDAY! I plan to have a simple supper (maybe a stew?) of local harvest from the Farmer's market and to bake bread.  I will also simmer some spiced cider and the house will smell divine.  I may take the cider crockpot to work, as the team loves it. I am almost out of dried lavender and oak moss, so need to find a way to replenish. Hopefully, I will be able to walk along the Greenway Monday evening and collect some leaves and seed pods to dry. No formal ritual,  just thanksgiving and gratitude for the harvest, and I will go out and talk to the Oak tree in the back yard.

I am also still working through the thoughts raised at Lughnasaddh about personal harvest, as well as the more traditional harvest.  No real conclusions there, just some nebulous thoughts. And they aren't all good.

Off of the deep stuff!

Was a busy week....

• Monday, I took 97 calls. Exhausting. Also wrote my rough draft for my "expert" paper. I decided to write about how to feed your family for almost nothing. It relates to being poor, but it has a positive spin.
• Tuesday was the 5th class in the Communication series. 3 more and I can add that certificate to my wall.
• Wednesday was the bake sale I organized. I made 643.00 for the Toastmasters club! Definitely going into the "significant business results" of my talent profile at work.
• Posted the short draft of "expert" paper to discussion Wednesday morning, along with my thoughts on the short story essays we had to read. I enjoyed the one called "On Being a Cripple" by Nancy Mairs.
• Thursday was a speech... gave a talk on Mary Shelley's life.  I wrote the speech that morning......It was the smoothest delivery I have done yet, but I still HATE giving speeches. Sent out reminder for the banquet and forgot to take off the read receipt.... Had to sit there and delete all the receipts  (126)to prevent email hell, which irritated me.
• Yesterday was a team member's last day, as well as the department secretary's last day (both going to other departments) and the entire department had a food day. 200 people bringing in snacks and sweets...... my supervisor bought our team Mexican from a little local dive down the street from work. Was delicious, especially the obviously freshmade guacamole. I woke up at 4:00am, full of energy! Got a head start on the weekend housecleaning.  Ordered the invitations for the Toastmaster's banquet, which was somewhat of an ordeal.

My aquarium was suddenly full of green water yesterday. Literally, one day clear and the next murky. Disturbing and upsetting. However, Nicki went last night and got some miracle product, put in a 1/2 tsp, and this morning the water is clear. Amazing. There is still algae growing, on the glass and the rocks, but at least my fish aren't swimming in oxygen choking murk.

Ruby made it two days this week without messing in the crate. She did pee yesterday, but that is less worrisome. If she would learn to go outside, I'd let her run loose.... I would like to put in a better fence and install a doggie door, but my finances will not allow that for a long time.  I think both dogs would be ecstatic with access to the outdoors during the day.

It's feast or famine. Either I am sleeping all the time or none of the time. It's enough to make a person want to rip someone's face off. I am terribly frustrated. Am I asking too much to just sleep 5-6 hours at night with no interruptions?

I am glad the work week is winding down. This week is seemingly interminable.

Lately, the world has seemed such an especially grim and scary place. At work, the break room TVs are tunes to the news and I have had to leave a few times, in order to not be upset when I return to work.  I have been paging through my gratitude journal for sustenance. There are a number of things that show up repeatedly in the past two years.

#1.... a roof over my head. I am so grateful for that. I never take that for granted.
#2.... 3 healthy children
#3.... the beauty of the trees swaying in the breeze

So... two very typical things people would be grateful for.... and perhaps something that most people never give a second thought to. There is so much beauty in the world and it's easy to overlook it when all the news is doom and gloom. I have been giving some thought to starting a new gratitude journal... one just for appreciating some moment of joy from each day that is nature inspired. Just one. I think it could be very nurturing and an escape from everyday life.  My paper journal has less than 10 pages left in it.... the gratitude journal has about 20 pages or so left.  It's always a moment of joy when one is full and there is an excuse to either buy or make a new one.

Up until the beginning of the year, Bill was on the list many, many, many days as something I was grateful for. As I was looking though this year's journal, I realized that even though he is not part of my life anymore, I am still grateful for him. And he should still be on the list occasionally. He is the reason that I had the courage to change my life. That's huge. And I am so grateful. I miss having a best friend..... so much.

And being able to talk through things w/ Steve S is something to be grateful for. Too much has happened to just slide back into what we had, but I hope and pray we can be good friends again. I think we could enrich each others' lives. Just my opinion, of course.

I finally gave my make-up speech for the developmental group. I am so glad that is over and that little stress factor is gone. I have been worried about it for 3 weeks. Damn blood pressure...... It went okay. About 3 minutes in, got a little short of breath. My evaluator knows what has been going on health-wise, so she cut me some slack.  It was a good evaluation. I may recycle it into Toastmasters, at her suggestion, as I went to all the trouble of doing a slide show for the group, then had to ditch it, as the speech was only given to the supervisors. Seemed pointless to set up power point for a couple of people. Anyway, glad it's over. Next speech is August 26, so I need to be thinking of a good topic. Not one of the speeches I have given so far have actually been during an actual meeting, so a little nervous. Contacted DB and RA about a speech-craft, so I can knock out the last 4 speeches in one whack.

Pulled out the INS 21 book again today and am quite daunted. I am beginning to wonder if I am ever going to have the energy to really study this. It's so damn BORING! But I have to finish it, as it is in my profile at work that it's in progress and it can never go away, according to the L&D rep I talked to.

I am looking forward to English Composition class. I am just waiting for the advisor to contact me, as that is my last registration hold. Why I need to talk to one before signing up for just one class is a mystery.   But.... can't really complain, as this is a dream come true.

My mentor came over to let me know about a job posting. I expressed an interest in another department well over a year ago and in this position in particular. The postings are very rare for that department.... She and I talked to my supervisor and he said he would recommend me highly. He and I are getting together to tweak my profile before I post today, so it looks more geared to that job. Not going to get my hopes up, but at the same time, going to get my hopes up. It is a lateral move, so no more money, but there are more jobs in that department that pay a lot higher and that would be a good fit for my skills, so it's a good move, looking to the future. JF has posted to the job already, which is making me feel slightly (only slightly) guilty.  I really like her and don't want to feel like I am competing for the same job against her.  I know she is even more miserable than me and I know she would be fabulous in the other department. but then again.... so would I. No idea who the other competition would be,  but I think I have a good chance. However, I am not going to get all stressed about it. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, there will be other opportunities later.  I almost think I shouldn't post, as it is so close to end of year and a raise would be forthcoming. We'll see.


I thought I finally found an affordable frame for that damn poster..... it's a couple of inches too small. I would really like to have the thing framed without spending a fortune..... will keep looking!



Worked in Way of Four last night. Started with earth (of course)

Earth is the element of stability, foundations and of the body. The Earth is the realm of wisdom, knowledge, strength, growth and prosperity. It is also the physical Earth on which we live and the very heart of life. It is essential in spells and rituals of prosperity, business, fertility and stability. Earth is a feminine element and governs stone and knot magic.

DIRECTION: North
TYPE OF ENERGY: Receptive.
BASIC NATURE: Fertile, moist, nurturing, stabilizing, grounding. Gravity is a manifestation of this element.
COLOR: Green
PLACES: Caves, canyons, forests, groves, valleys, fields, farms, gardens, parks, plant nurseries, farmer's markets, kitchens, baby nurseries, basements, mines, holes.
RITUALS: Money, prosperity, fertility, stability, grounding, employment.
RITUAL FORMS: Burying, planting, making images in soil or sand.
HERBS: Earth-smelling plants, such as patchouli; mosses and lichens; nuts; dry and stiff plants; heavy, low-growing plants; generally roots.
STONES: Heavy or opaque, as in coal; green, as in emerald and peridot.
MUSICAL INSTRUMENT: Drum, all percussion instruments. <3
CREATURES: Dogs, horse, earthworm, gopher, ant, cow, burrowing animals.
SEASON: Winter - the time of darkness.
TIME: Night.
MAGICKAL TOOL: Pentacle.
SENSE: Touch.
NATURAL SYMBOLS: Salt, clay dish of fresh soil, rocks, sheaves of wheat, acorns.
TYPES OF MAGIC RULES: Gardening, magnet, image, stone, tree, knot, binding.
GODDESSES: Ceres, Demeter, Gaea, Mah, Nephthys, Persephone, Prithivi, Rhea, Rhiannon.
GODS: Adonis, Athos, Arawn, Cernunnos, Dionysus, Marduk, Pan, Tammuz.

Mmmm, the house smells so wonderful...bread baking and the coffee smells (and tastes) spectacular this morning.
I have been outside, enjoying the coolness. This summer has been full of surprisingly cool and breezy mornings, perfect for sitting by the  koi pond and just basking.

I have been thinking since the other day about harvest and what I have harvested this year.  And it's a lot. Not just material things, but personal growth, as well.  I still have a lot of things to work on, but I can honestly say that this year marks the first healthy harvest I have had in many years.

My paper journal has a great entry about it and a portion of it is being working into my Good Things journal, so last night was very soothing.

I have "Edge of Seventeen" running through my head.

The Celtic harvest festival on August 1st takes its name from the Irish god Lugh, one of the chief gods of the Tuatha De Danann, giving us Lughnasadh in Ireland, Lunasdál in Scotland, and Laa Luanys in the Isle of Man. (In Wales, this time is known simply as Gwl Awst, the August Feast.)                                                       
Lugh dedicated this festival to his foster-mother, Tailtiu, the last queen of the Fir Bolg, who died from exhaustion after clearing a great forest so that the land could be cultivated. When the men of Ireland gathered at her death-bed, she told them to hold funeral games in her honor. As long as they were held, she prophesied Ireland would not be without song. Tailtiu’s name is from Old Celtic Talantiu, "The Great One of the Earth," suggesting she may originally have been a personification of the land itself, like so many Irish goddesses. In fact, Lughnasadh has an older name, Brón Trogain, which refers to the painful labor of childbirth. For at this time of year, the earth gives birth to her first fruits so that her children might live.

In later times, the festival of Lughnasadh was christianized as Lammas, from the Anglo-Saxon, hlaf-mas, "Loaf-Mass," but in rural areas, it was often remembered as "Bilberry Sunday," for this was the day to climb the nearest "Lughnasadh Hill" and gather the earth’s freely-given gifts of the little black berries, which they might wear as special garlands or gather in baskets to take home for jam.

I am trying to think of a way to mark the day.... other than baking. I am considering making some sort of bran muffin with peaches from the tree in my year to take to work as gifts.... so would be sharing the harvest.

I was reading about Lammas and realized that I have never really given much thought to any deeper meaning than a literal first harvest.
But this could be a personal metaphor also. What have I harvested in my life? Anything?

Maybe not loser, but damned flaky lately. I wrote down TUESDAY the 28th as being the date to pay Electric/Water bill or would be sent a nasty cutoff notice. Well.... MONDAY was the 28th. I had to leave earlier from work than planned so I could take care of that. Pissed me off that I wrote down the wrong day and was fixated on the day, not date.

Doctor appointments yesterday..... BP still too high. Started the new med he prescribed last week. Will be starting the new diet after payday. I don't have any $$ for special food right now.... so will continue to live on cereal and couscous the rest of the week.  No biggie.

Was hopeful about the other situation.  That doctor is always fairly noncommittal, but he did say that he didn't see any more spots. Playing the waiting game with the lab now. Not dwelling on it. I think my BP is closer to killing me right now than cancer. I could be completely wrong, but if I am , will deal with it at the proper time.

Got my first hits on my N'ness LMAO. Too exciting!

So.....  a week after I discontinued my subscription to Match.com, I get an email saying someone has sent me a message, which of course, I can't access, because I cancelled my subscription. My question.... since I disabled my profile before I ever left the site,  how would anyone send me a message? Methinks Match.com is trying to get more money out of me. Seems a little havey-cavey..... At least E-Harmony was upfront about not being to match me to anyone. Immediately. "You are unmatchable" . So hilarious.

I finally was able to talk to SS.... after several years of trying to get all that business cleared up. I feel better now. As always, the big problem was a huge hug HUGE miscommunication/misunderstanding.  This time, not all my fault...... definitely two-sided, that. The positive thing... maybe we can talk as adults now and be friends again. We used to have good times.

Ruby messed in the house again while I was at work  yesterday.... it is really making me crazy and I don't know what to do. I can't afford a crate. What's worse is I know it bothers Yoyo. She is messing in HIS house.

Was reading "Dancing with the Goddess Incarnate" this morning. About the silliest, fluffiest book ever. I am listing it on Amazon. I don't want it on my bookshelf.

I still have a credit on paperbackswap.com  but just not finding anything I want. It would be nice to get a new book to read, however, so maybe I will look again.  I am running out and the Shelbyville library is not exactly the most well stocked of libraries.  I was excited to find a used bookstore, just off the square. Unfortunately, it was chock full of Harlequin romances and westerns, of all things. Slim pickings on contemporary and classic fiction.

I am in the mood to go antiquing, but I know that will have to wait. I am going to go to Nashville on the 3rd for a luncheon and plan to make a day of it, health permitting. I want to go into Green Hills and stroll the aisles of Whole Foods and head over to Jake's place to look for a  travel coffee cup with the Cup o' Joe to Go logo on it. I love that t'shirt.... want a mug also. I will probably take advantage of being on the West End and go to Borders, Magical Journey, and all those nifty vintage clothing stores on Louise St. I am so looking forward to this and I hope nothing happens so that I can't go.  I could use a day of window shopping ... and I am really looking forward to the luncheon and meeting some cool people. I only know 2 people and there is supposed to be 10-12.

I am still craving the Hermit   tattoo. John is supposed to head up here the last week of October, but I am thinking of going down there to pick him up so I can get that done. I don't know any local tattoo artists that I trust that much and it's such a detailed picture... I want it done right.

Listening to the Beatles this morning. A Beatles sort of day........

I would love to have this.... I think it would be a great meditation focus piece. It's at www.womanwisdom.com and way out of my budget, but I am going to keep it in mind for the next time I have a little extra $$ for things on my wish list.

One can always hope......

I was looking at that and remembering my trip to Mystery Hill in New Hampshire when I lived there. It is billed as America's Stonehenge and a Stonehenge it is not. In that respect, was a disappointment. However, I enjoyed my visit, anyway.  It was a very peaceful place, especially since it was winter, middle of a workday, and I had the place to myself. I was fascinated by the Oracle Chamber, with its speaking tube, which made me think of the deceptions that must have been practiced on some past devotee.  The True North stone was probably the most striking piece for me. There were trees on the other side of the stone that were lined up like a path sop you could see the sky behind the stone. I sat in front of that stone for a long time and let me mind go into a dream state. When I grounded myself, I felt more centered and serene than I had felt in years. It was the beginning of my journey back to self. Unfortunately, the pictures that I took were among the belongings that were lost to me in the storage unit theft. Not going to dwell on that, but every once in awhile, I remember something else that I lost......Mystery Hill is a treasured memory, despite the fact that it was nothing like I expected.