Lullabyes for an Insomniac

It snowed last night!!!!!!
I woke up to a beautiful sight. So surprising... I knew it might snow, but when snow is forecast around here, it usually means a dusting but there's a few inches this morning, so everything is covered. So pretty. The dogs didn't care for it.


I met Mike P at Fridays yesterday evening-for a drink. It turned into a 6 hour dinner date. Very unexpected, as I have never thought of him as more than a fun acquaintance. I had a lovely time, great conversation, lots of laughs. We found that we both love cereal for supper and have had some similar experiences. He has asked if I would go out on a date with him and I said yes.  He is interesting and an undemanding companion. However, he is a Yankees fan. That's bad....

It's good timing, as far as starting to date again, as Nickie found an apartment and will be moving in 2 weeks!
YAY! I love having her around, but I have missed my alone time.

Right after I got home, David called me. Out of the blue. He is staying at Mother's for the weekend. He has been in Florida the last year and evidently has held a job all that time. Amazing. I gave him a huge big sister lecture about staying in touch, then we had a  nice conversation. I hope that he might be growing up finally. Grace is not a part of his life, which probably helps. I was extremely happy to learn that he has had his teeth taken care of finally and has dentures. I HATE having a brother that looked like a down and out drug addict. Which he is, but that isn't the point.

I am really irritated/hurt/upset, as the swaps that I sent out last week have all been received (thank you delivery confirmation) but only one person has had the courtesy to acknowledge receipt (the spring equinox doll). It just bothers me that I spend so much time and thought, not to mention money.... and I make sure that I acknowledge within a day or two when someone sends me something, even if I don't care for it.  It is another reason to drop out of all swapping.  Honestly, why bother?

I think I may drop full_moon_swaps  too. It is just not feeling like a community to me and I think 7 moderators for a community that is so quiet is  just not necessary. I am most definitely expendable.  And I just don't like the way it is heading.  So it might be best to just remove myself. I am going to give it serious thought over the next week. It is just a chore, at this point.

I have already dropped any outstanding swaps on swap-bot that haven't had partners assigned. I am waiting on  quite a few things that should be sent already or sent in the next few weeks, so I can't delete my profile. Will have to wait on that.

I think I am looking more for a community that has the energy that Nervousness used to have. I may not be able to find it, but I want to look for it. Or create one.  I thought FMS would have that energy, but it just doesn't.

Tomorrow is the systems switch at work and I am dreading and looking forward to it at the same time. I was fortunate enough to be assigned production by my supervisor, so I will have an advantage of having time to learn the new system before having to work from the phones with it. Supervisor is a good guy! 

Today has been designated Clean-the-house-it-is-messy, messy, messy-after-being-ill-for-a-month Day, so I need to get moving.

( Full Moon Swap-Light in the Darkness )

For some reason, I am having tons of problems posting to LJ lately. My first sentence up there was not supposed to be under the cut, but it will not let me edit it.


I finished a plushie for one of Nicki's friends. It is  cthulhu, a nasty H.P. Lovecraft creature:

( cthulhu )


I also finished a Spring Goddess doll, almost exactly like one I finished two years ago, for a swap-bot swap. I haven't even been assigned my partner yet, but I have her ready to go. I will post pics of her later. I am working on some tip in pages for morrigane . Too funny, I was finishing her page for a series of swaps we are doing on swap-bot and when March's partners were assigned, I am sending to her again!

I am feeling a lot better today. I got up in the middle of the night to drive Nicki to Nashville, as she is going to South Carolina this weekend to see a friend. After that, I came back home and slept. Stayed out of work again, as I need the rest. I do plan on going to work tomorrow if I continue to feel better. I have been invited to The Mark this weekend for a Valentine party and and thinking about going. I don't know, I probably should stay home and rest some more. But it is tempting. It's a $15 door charge and it's nice to have someone else pay that.... normally I fend for myself at the door. We'll see how I feel.

I have made the decision to let my house go. It was a tough decision, but I honestly don't know how I will manage after Nicki moves out... it will put me $300-$400 over budget EVERY month. Disaster. I don't expect to make anything off the sale of the house, but hopefully I will break even.  My heart is hurting over it, but it has to be done. I can't take on a second job while my health is in such a precarious state. It would be counter-productive.

I am just so damn tired. And tired of being tired.

It has been quite a while since I could update. Between health issues and LJ not allowing me to update (GGRRR), I just have been pretty quiet.  Putting a lot of this under cuts, so as not to clutter up people's FLists.

( Boring health stuff )

It has been bitterly cold quite a bit in the past few weeks and neither Nicki or I can bear to go into the kitchen because it is so cold, so the kitchen is messy and we have been wasting money on take-out. The messiness is making me nuts, but honestly, I can't stand to go in there. It was 42 degrees in there the other morning. Today, the temp is supposed to be in the 70's!  If the kitchen warms up, I may venture in there to tidy and wash the sink full of glasses. Tennessee weather......

I have been really busy with full_moon_swaps  and swap-bot... not to mention school. This semester is kicking my butt.

I received a lovely pocket goddess from gypsytemptress  via swap-bot. I think it is hilarious to be paired up on another site with the same people from LJ. I don't have a pic of the goddess she sent yet, but as soon as I post my pics of my updated water altar, I will show it off. It is cross stitched, a lovely blue goddess.

Swap-bot has paired me with morrigane several times, right on the heels of our FMS swap in October. Too funny.
( My funny Valentine )


I wrote another lovely paper about frugal shopping and debated starting another journal just for that type of thing, as after the first paper I wrote in the fall, which I recycled into a Toastmasters speech, I made a zine, which was so well received, I ended up printing again two more times. I gave out 23 of them, which isn't bad. After the 2nd paper, which I again recycled into a speech, I made another zine, which I haven't distributed yet.  Need some $$ before printing. Anyway, at work, I am considered somewhat fo an expert and since times are so hard, I have been invited to speak to other groups and distribute the zine. I thought a blog dealing with the issue of frugal living would be nice, but there are already SO many, I just don't want to repeat things. Need to think on it some more.

( Dumpster diving )
More later, going back to bed....still so tired.....

It's been a week and I never posted about this. Shame on me.

Last Saturday afternoon, I finally got to meet Barbara and Randall, something we have planned several times and wasn't able to do because of various reasons. I was determined that nothing was going to stop me from going this time.

We met at Outback and I was all gussied up in my new black blouse and jeans and my favorite strappy silver heels. The first thing that happened when we were seated was that a tray of iced tea was dumped in my lap.

Of course.

First time I meet someone and I have to sit during dinner feeling like I wet my pants. Ugh. I am so glad it wasn't a first date or meeting with someone I was romantically interested in. That would have been so terrible and embarrassing......

I had a really fantastic time despite the tea incident and we plan to hang out again sometime soon. They are a fun couple and it was nice to have adult conversation about some common interests.

Went to the sleep study doctor today and have a follow-up sleep lab on the 18th. I am dreading it, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. She pretty much echoed what the ENT told me in November.  She also offered the solution of a CPAP, rather than breaking my jaw to realign the jawline, which was definitely a wonderful thing.
( bitching under here.... )


This has been a terribly long week at work and I am SO glad it is over. I plan to clean and work on crafty things this weekend.

I will be one of seven moderators for full_moon_swaps , something I am very excited about. The announcement will be made in the next day or so, then I will announce the February theme. I have been really discouraged about that community, thinking I found it just as it was gasping its last breath. I hope we can keep it going and stay true to songtoisis 's vision, while implementing new ideas and plans.










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At the half-way mark!

I am about to head into town for some overtime. I really don't want to, but I need the money. They have promised us a Thanksgiving style dinner, which was a surprise. It's usually pizza or subway when they offer food. And food is not usually offered. Anyways, it will be a treat, since I probably won't have T'giving dinner.

I completely finished that damn report. I had to take myself out of the phones, but finally! finished. However... the graphs, charts, and Power Point STILL weren't finished. I explained to the supervisor in charge of getting it to the printers that I have been waiting on this stuff all week and left it with her to talk to the individual responsible for that. I am done with it. I am off Monday, so had to leave the proof with the other remaining group member and I do hope she paid attention when I explained what the tabs needed to be. We'll see.

It's cold and rainy here. I hate November.

( Honoring Your Ancestors Swap )

morrigane   put together a lovely swap for me! It was so nice to get something this wonderful in the mail, as I am still bummed about the N'Ness swap that went sour.

( Cross posted in full_moon_swaps  )


When I got home yesterday, there was a note from post office that it was here, so I trotted up there first thing this morning. There was a moment of panic, as they initially couldn't find it and had already told me to try again on Monday :(, but just as I was leaving, a sweet, dear little old postal worker came running out, holding the box aloft like a hard-won trophy!

( See what I got! )

This is such great STUFF!

I filled out the questionnaire for the full_moon_swaps  October swap today. It was pretty deep stuff and I stared into space for nearly 2 hours, trying to put in words some very personal feelings and attitudes. All this before I finished the first cup of coffee. Whew!

It made me think a lot about how much of a traditionalist I am, despite my "who cares" attitude. I miss the family gatherings, I miss the connection to family. I DON'T miss my family in particular, but the idea of the family. Even before the theme was posted, I was thinking about Mima and Papa, have for all of this year. Maybe having a home and doing things to make a home have made me feel a deeper connection to them. I have been trying to locate Glenna so I can get a copy of the family history, but with no luck. I may ask Alicia, as if she doesn't have a copy, maybe she can borrow Mother's and have it copied.

I also keep thinking about Papa Charlie. Even though he died when I was five, I have vivid memories of him and can still feel his love, today.

I looked up the Family Crest and was reminded of the family motto: "it behooves us to live". It has also been translated as "we must live", which makes a heck of a lot more sense, since it comes from the borderlands, where people did what they had to, in order to survive. I like that translation better. It goes with the 3 foxes on the crest.... foxes do what they must to survive.

It also made me think about how lackadaisical (great word!) I have been about honoring my ancestors and how I don't take enough time to center myself and live life the way I know I should.  A timely reminder.

Samhain is the New Year for me. A time for reflection and renewal. I am giving serious thought to how I intend to observe Samhain this year. Out come the books!

Closer is Mabon. It is MONDAY! I plan to have a simple supper (maybe a stew?) of local harvest from the Farmer's market and to bake bread.  I will also simmer some spiced cider and the house will smell divine.  I may take the cider crockpot to work, as the team loves it. I am almost out of dried lavender and oak moss, so need to find a way to replenish. Hopefully, I will be able to walk along the Greenway Monday evening and collect some leaves and seed pods to dry. No formal ritual,  just thanksgiving and gratitude for the harvest, and I will go out and talk to the Oak tree in the back yard.

I am also still working through the thoughts raised at Lughnasaddh about personal harvest, as well as the more traditional harvest.  No real conclusions there, just some nebulous thoughts. And they aren't all good.

Off of the deep stuff!

Was a busy week....

• Monday, I took 97 calls. Exhausting. Also wrote my rough draft for my "expert" paper. I decided to write about how to feed your family for almost nothing. It relates to being poor, but it has a positive spin.
• Tuesday was the 5th class in the Communication series. 3 more and I can add that certificate to my wall.
• Wednesday was the bake sale I organized. I made 643.00 for the Toastmasters club! Definitely going into the "significant business results" of my talent profile at work.
• Posted the short draft of "expert" paper to discussion Wednesday morning, along with my thoughts on the short story essays we had to read. I enjoyed the one called "On Being a Cripple" by Nancy Mairs.
• Thursday was a speech... gave a talk on Mary Shelley's life.  I wrote the speech that morning......It was the smoothest delivery I have done yet, but I still HATE giving speeches. Sent out reminder for the banquet and forgot to take off the read receipt.... Had to sit there and delete all the receipts  (126)to prevent email hell, which irritated me.
• Yesterday was a team member's last day, as well as the department secretary's last day (both going to other departments) and the entire department had a food day. 200 people bringing in snacks and sweets...... my supervisor bought our team Mexican from a little local dive down the street from work. Was delicious, especially the obviously freshmade guacamole. I woke up at 4:00am, full of energy! Got a head start on the weekend housecleaning.  Ordered the invitations for the Toastmaster's banquet, which was somewhat of an ordeal.

My aquarium was suddenly full of green water yesterday. Literally, one day clear and the next murky. Disturbing and upsetting. However, Nicki went last night and got some miracle product, put in a 1/2 tsp, and this morning the water is clear. Amazing. There is still algae growing, on the glass and the rocks, but at least my fish aren't swimming in oxygen choking murk.

Ruby made it two days this week without messing in the crate. She did pee yesterday, but that is less worrisome. If she would learn to go outside, I'd let her run loose.... I would like to put in a better fence and install a doggie door, but my finances will not allow that for a long time.  I think both dogs would be ecstatic with access to the outdoors during the day.