Lullabyes for an Insomniac

NaNoWriMo

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 13:32:11 GMT

So.... I did like 9000 words in the first few days and have been at a complete stop the past few days. I have tried to write, but I am just making up gibberish. I am hoping the weekend will kick start it again. In the meantime, I applied and was accepted to write for BellaOnline. I am excited about it and am looking forward to honing my research and writing skills. I will be writing for the cosmetics section of the site. My first two articles have to be posted this week so I will be doing a lot of writing this weekend.

I am working on a few projects for art42, most notably some Christmas ornaments. I have to go get a couple of more things at Hobby Lobby then I can get them finished and in the mail. It feels good to be a little creative. I have been sewing on a few projects for Yule gifts too.

My big project this weekend is to strip the dining room chairs. They are all mismatched and the wood and paint finishes are not the best. I am thinking about painting them each a different color, but I am toying with painting 1/2 white and 1/2 black. Multi-color would probably work better with my tablecloths and dishes, but it's something I have never done before and it scares me.

Okay, coffee is done and YoYo is stirring.....

Depression-Situational or Biological?

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 12:25:04 GMT

Sometimes I wonder what is worse.... Saying nothing and wishing you had or saying something and wishing you hadn't. It's a no win, either way.

I can't keep doing this.

I can't keep living like this.

I can't keep pretending that everything is okay when actually, it's far from it.

My doctor gave me quite a speech about biological depression versus situational depression. I understand situational depression. Biological depression sounds like my body just letting me down and is a little hard to swallow. I was prescribed an anti depressent for my CFS, but he is going to increase the dosage. Bleah.

An assessment of depression from Psych Central. Interesting.


1. I do things slowly.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
~~<input ... >~~ Moderately
<input ... > ~~Quite a lot~~
<input ... > Very much
2. My future seems hopeless.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
<input ... > ~~Quite a lot~~
<input ... > Very much
3. It is hard for me to concentrate on reading.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > ~~Moderately~~
<input ... > Quite a lot
<input ... > Very much
4. The pleasure and joy has gone out of my life.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
~~<input ... > Quite a lot~~
<input ... > Very much
5. I have difficulty making decisions.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
<input ... > Quite a lot
~~<input ... > Very much~~
6. I have lost interest in aspects of life that used to be important to me.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
<input ... > Quite a lot
<input ... > ~~Very much~~
7. I feel sad, blue, and unhappy.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
<input ... > ~~Quite a lot~~
<input ... > Very much
8. I am agitated and keep moving around.: <input ... > ~~Not at all~~
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
<input ... > Quite a lot
<input ... > Very much
9. I feel fatigued.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
<input ... > Quite a lot
<input ... > ~~Very much~~
10. It takes great effort for me to do simple things.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
<input ... > ~~Quite a lot~~
<input ... > Very much
11. I feel that I am a guilty person who deserves to be punished.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > ~~Moderately~~
<input ... > Quite a lot
<input ... > Very much
12. I feel like a failure.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
~~<input ... >~~ Quite a lot
<input ... > ~~Very much~~
13. I feel lifeless -- more dead than alive.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
<input ... > ~~Quite a lot~~
<input ... > Very much
14. My sleep has been disturbed -- too little, too much, or broken sleep.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
<input ... > Quite a lot
<input ... > ~~Very much~~
15. I spend time thinking about HOW I might kill myself.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > ~~Somewhat~~
<input ... > Moderately
<input ... > Quite a lot
<input ... > Very much
16. I feel trapped or caught.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
<input ... > ~~Quite a lot~~
<input ... > Very much
17. I feel depressed even when good things happen to me.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > Somewhat
<input ... > Moderately
~~<input ... > Quite a lot~~
<input ... > Very much
18. Without trying to diet, I have lost, or gained, weight.: <input ... > Not at all
<input ... > Just a little
<input ... > ~~Somewha~~t
<input ... > Moderately
<input ... > Quite a lot
<input ... > Very much

I found this link just fascinating.
psychcentral.com/news/2009/06/12/biological-link-to-obesity-and-depression/6483.html

hmpf!

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:59:19 GMT

Damn car.
Worth 2500
Needs 3500 worth of repairs to get it running

Challenges, challenges, challenges

Counting Sheep

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:29:01 GMT

Insomnia has been really rough lately. I am averaging 2 hours a night. My CPAP is having to be replaced, which doesn't help. I knew I had to be up at 2:30 this morning to take Richard to work, but woke up at midnight. I am still wide awake, but I know I am going to be ready to doze off about the time I need to start getting ready for work. I tried the counting sheep ploy, but the sheep started to look and act bizarre, so I decided to get up. I made some Boo bags to take to work, so was a productive night. It's hard to get excited about the productivity... I would rather have slept.

There is some horrible TV in the middle of the night. Commercials for everything you never imagined and really bad sitcom reruns. I got to thinking about people in hospitals and nursing homes that can't sleep. People that are dealing with life issues and are lonely. People with terminally ill children. People with no friends. I read somewhere that the unhappier people are, the more TV they watch. People who can't sleep at night are probably unhappy. And the crap that is on TV is enough to make someone suicidal. I have the option to get crafty, play on the internet or read... but what about all those people who don't have the same resources I do? What do they DO all night? Watch this crap and cry? Or worse, pick up the phone to order things, simply to have some human contact? It's depressing. And wrong. Why are insomniacs targeted with bad TV and awful commercials for kitchen gadgets and cheap costume jewelry?

My stitches are itching too. I am fricken tired of wearing the damn bandana to work. I gave a speech yesterday in Toastmasters looking like a hippie. Not an image I normally project. Of course, the department manager was at the meeting..... As I gave the speech, I had an almost overwhelming urge to scratch my head. It made me mess up my speech quite a bit because it was such a distraction. Itchy, itchy, itchy! My speech was actually an interpretive reading. I read "The Price" by Neil Gaiman, which was appropriate for the time of year. I am glad to get it over with.

Richard and I decided for various reasons (mainly because he has to be at work at 4am on Sunday) to stay at home on Saturday, rather than going to The Mark, as planned. While I normally prefer to stay at home, I was really looking forward to dressing up, seeing the others' costumes, and listening to the band. Oh well. This means I wasted close to $20 on tulle, rose petals, leaves, and feathers for my fairy costume. I will have to find another use for the stuff. We decided to go out to dinner and maybe watch a movie. We'll probably load up YoYo and head over to Shelby Bottoms early in the day and take a long walk. We wanted to have fun this weekend, as next weekend is earmarked for cleaning and organizing the storage unit.

Okay. Going to try to lie down for 45 minutes. Probably a bad idea, but I REALLY want some sleep.

It's been forever since I updated

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 17:20:40 GMT

I have been busy, busy, busy. I have kept my dreamwidth account pretty updated, but that is a private journal. I was too lazy to put the rated G parts on LJ. I have made a vow to start this journal back.

Quick recap since move in July:

Home-
-Settled in and Richard and I feel like we've lived together forever
-The apartment is working out, except for the jackass upstairs that plays his music too loud and paces all the time
-Richard asked me to marry him, although not formally. Just discussed it. We agreed to table it until the first of the year.
(I love Richard, but am not in love with him. Rocky still flits at the edge of my brain)
-I have not only failed to blog, but crafting fell by the wayside. I dragged my sewing machine out last week and started a project!
(Thank you, Julia Cameron and Claudine Hellmuth, for inspiration)
-I have been taking advantage of living in Nashville and have been going to festivals, museums, and boutique stores to my heart's content. I have a membership to the zoo and have gone several times. Pictures below under the cut.
-YoYo and Jenny are coexisting peacefully, a shocker
-YoYo slipped out of his collar one day last week and was hit by a car. He is okay, but I went through a really bad 48 hours
-I spent a weekend in Baptist Hospital because of chest pains. Not a heart attack. Panic was the diagnosis. (sigh)
-I had a cyst removed from my scalp this week. I was traumatized because when I raised my head from the pillow, blood was soaked into the pillow.
-I was diagnosed with CFS.
-Several deaths in family and among friends led to a slight depression but I am dealing with it
-I cut myself off from the pettiness on swap-bot and quit swapping there
-I also quit swapping anywhere, but want to start back soon
-I met a really cool couple here in Nashville, all artsy fartsy. It was nice to meet people that like the same stuff I do
-I applied to be a writer for a website. Haven't heard back yet, but even if rejected, was good to stretch my writing muscles to apply
-Started studying for Microsoft Certification
-Have watched more movies in the past few months than in my entire life before now

Kids:
John-working toward GED, as his boss will help him get into Art Institute of Atlanta Culinary School. Has a lovely girlfriend that appears to be more sane than his last few choices. We went to see him in August and had a great time
Nicki-same-o, same-o. She has been dealing with some health issues but is reasonably okay
Nathan-is working for TDOT and discussing going to NADC in the spring

Work:
I am grateful to have a job
I am grateful to have a job
I am grateful to have a job
Maybe if I say it enough, I can make myself accept the soulless and thankless job I have

Spirituality:
What can I say? I have sadly neglected that part of me. I need to work on this.

Public Entry for the people looking for me from other sites

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 01:13:02 GMT

I moved!

I am in Nashville, minutes from the airport. It cuts 15-20 minutes off my commute, which is wonderful. The move has left me so broke I can't even pay attention, but that is okay. I love being this close to so many of my favorite places. My apartment is no great shakes, but I can't really complain. I am on an upper floor and I have a lovely view of Murfreesboro Rd, the Krystal sign, a sports bar, and the planes taking off. I was able to keep YoYo, which REALLY made me happy. NOT so happy that I have to find Ruby a home. I feel like I am letting her down.

Most importantly, the move puts me 15 minutes from Richard. This is extremely important to both of us. After a month, the relationship has really gotten intense and we are quite enraptured with one another.... a surprise to both of us. I have not journaled about Richard here, all the entries have been in my private journal, as what I feel about him is just too new and precious to share right now, even with the few people left that read my sporadic entries.

After the Rocky debacle, I was very wary of letting my feelings loose, but this has been nothing but positive. There are no doubts in my mind about Richard... it's like we have known each other forever and we have just very quickly and naturally fallen into each others' lives like we belong to each other. It seems right to be together and we bring out the best in each other, I believe. We are building a splendid structure together, one that I hope lasts for a very long time.

Friends Only

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 21:13:25 GMT

I hate to do this, but as of today, my journal will become Friends Only.
If you want to read about my pretty boring life, comment and I will add you.

I am not happy that an anonymous lurker has forced this decision on me. This is why I dropped LJ before.

Just.... stuff

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 13:14:28 GMT

It snowed last night!!!!!!
I woke up to a beautiful sight. So surprising... I knew it might snow, but when snow is forecast around here, it usually means a dusting but there's a few inches this morning, so everything is covered. So pretty. The dogs didn't care for it.

I met Mike P at Fridays yesterday evening-for a drink. It turned into a 6 hour dinner date. Very unexpected, as I have never thought of him as more than a fun acquaintance. I had a lovely time, great conversation, lots of laughs. We found that we both love cereal for supper and have had some similar experiences. He has asked if I would go out on a date with him and I said yes. He is interesting and an undemanding companion. However, he is a Yankees fan. That's bad....

It's good timing, as far as starting to date again, as Nickie found an apartment and will be moving in 2 weeks!
YAY! I love having her around, but I have missed my alone time.

Right after I got home, David called me. Out of the blue. He is staying at Mother's for the weekend. He has been in Florida the last year and evidently has held a job all that time. Amazing. I gave him a huge big sister lecture about staying in touch, then we had a nice conversation. I hope that he might be growing up finally. Grace is not a part of his life, which probably helps. I was extremely happy to learn that he has had his teeth taken care of finally and has dentures. I HATE having a brother that looked like a down and out drug addict. Which he is, but that isn't the point.

I am really irritated/hurt/upset, as the swaps that I sent out last week have all been received (thank you delivery confirmation) but only one person has had the courtesy to acknowledge receipt (the spring equinox doll). It just bothers me that I spend so much time and thought, not to mention money.... and I make sure that I acknowledge within a day or two when someone sends me something, even if I don't care for it. It is another reason to drop out of all swapping. Honestly, why bother?

I think I may drop full_moon_swaps too. It is just not feeling like a community to me and I think 7 moderators for a community that is so quiet is just not necessary. I am most definitely expendable. And I just don't like the way it is heading. So it might be best to just remove myself. I am going to give it serious thought over the next week. It is just a chore, at this point.

I have already dropped any outstanding swaps on swap-bot that haven't had partners assigned. I am waiting on quite a few things that should be sent already or sent in the next few weeks, so I can't delete my profile. Will have to wait on that.

I think I am looking more for a community that has the energy that Nervousness used to have. I may not be able to find it, but I want to look for it. Or create one. I thought FMS would have that energy, but it just doesn't.

Tomorrow is the systems switch at work and I am dreading and looking forward to it at the same time. I was fortunate enough to be assigned production by my supervisor, so I will have an advantage of having time to learn the new system before having to work from the phones with it. Supervisor is a good guy!

Today has been designated Clean-the-house-it-is-messy, messy, messy-after-being-ill-for-a-month Day, so I need to get moving.

Dogs, Tulips, Art, and swapping

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 11:23:27 GMT

Yoyo reappeared, healthy and unharmed, thankfully. I am not going to dwell on that. Suffice to say, it was bad while he was missing.

Friday, someone sent me flowers at work. Pink tulips, my favorite. No card, no name, no florist logo, just a mystery. They are beautiful, although slightly limp after the weekend. It has made me nuts, as I am not a fan of mysteries like that. I would like to thank whomever sent them! They made the day a lot brighter, for sure.

I have been procrastinating a little on packing up some swap-bot things. I have had them all ready to go for weeks, just haven't felt like packing them. I am almost done packing tonight (love insomnia). I think once I mark "sent" on the swaps I have, I will stop for a bit. I joined some expensive swaps lately and as much as I enjoy putting together things for other people, it is getting to be too much, as I am not receiving an equivalent in return. I started out with quite a stash of things, so I was just clearing clutter, but I have had to purchase things recently, so time to stop.

Unfortunately, I failed to save the scans of the tip-in pages for the Wheel of the Year Tip-ins-both February and March for morrigane .

For the "I am the Goddess" swap that I am hosting in the Crafty Witches group, going to Bones:

I love the goddess tile. I wanted to keep everything in this swap, I loved them so much. The pendant wrapped around the make-up bag is onyx on a velvet ribbon. Bones evidently has a pirate thingie and I thought the pendant was appropriate for a goddess OR a pirate wench. The perfume is Far Away Paradise, another nod to pirates. I wrapped everything in gold, and there are silk rose petals for packing material. I hope it is fun to unwrap and she feels very goddess-y when she receives it. It was really fun to be sending something to someone in Tennessee. I actually have been paired up several times recently with Tennesseans, which is really odd, but cool.

For "Ye Olde Faire in Camelot #1: Fortune telling," the theme was for things in the gypsy fortune telling tent, including the tools for divination, the scent, and the look:

I dithered quite a bit on the divination tool I wanted to use. I love scrying and am interested in tea leaves, and I looked at Palmistry books, but I have recently become fascinated by fortune telling with just a plain deck of cards. The history of it is interesting. I decided to share that with the recipient. For the look, I repainted and embellished a little trinket box. Inside the box are a couple of stones and a turquoise pendant. I forgot to take them out for the photo! Hanging up is a tea light holder.I thought it would look smashing in a gypsy tent. For the scent, I chose Moon Magick incense called Avalon. It smells delicious. It amused me that the group is the Keepers of Avalon and the word Avalon is in the recipient's address. I couldn't resist Avalon incense.

And... the goddess doll that I labored over while I was so ill.... it is very similar to a doll I completed a few years ago. She has given me so much joy and she just breathes spring to me, so I wanted to replicate it and hopefully bring a breath of spring to her. This is for Cypress, of the Crafty Witches group:

The details didn't show up well in the photo, but she is beaded all the way around the body and the body itself has beads and leaves. She is 13" long. I chose leaves because I look forward to seeing the green leaves on the trees every year. It renews my soul. She is holding up a string of beads including a sun, a key, more leaves, a green heart, and a cloisonne flower, as well as a green bird. I hope that the recipient (another Tennessean) enjoys her.

Those are the last of the big swaps I plan on doing for awhile. I have a Spring Swap for Nervousness, but I can make most fo the things for that one and it should be fairly easy. I have a few outstanding tags , but nothing more than gathering things up that I already have or can make very quickly. I am just burned out and have been quite disappointed (and flaked on) a few times recently, so before it becomes a chore, I would rather just stop.

I am slowly but surely recovering and every day is a little better. I hope I can get well enough to start packing, as I am very serious about moving back closer to Murfreesboro. There are more and more issues becoming apparent with the house and I need to get out before my life becomes even more of a misery. All this, just when I finally start to meet some local people. Figures. I hate moving... I own too many things. I will be freecycling a lot of possessions when I move. I just don't need them. They are encumbrances.

Speaking of local people, have met some lovely people that I have wanted to meet for quite some time and got my entry to The Mark, which is a wonderful thing. It gets me back out with people I have things in common with, which is nice. I have a dinner date with one of the men that I used to see at the old club, so it is something to look forward to. I still miss Bill, but I am never getting him back, so it is time to look forward. I am not looking for a relationship, but occasional dates would be nice.

</lj>

My heart is breaking

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 00:02:11 GMT

I just came back from posting missing posters all over the neighborhood. YoYo vanished from the back yard. I am sure he jumped the fence, but there has been no sign of him since.

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 23:00:58 GMT

I received my February swap from _broken_mirrors. The theme was Light in the Darkness, with the intent to bring some light to your partner during the dreary dark winter months.

Included were a ceramic bowl and AniDiFranco CD were created by her roommate. I haven't listened to the CD, but I do love the bowl.

_broken_mirrors made the journal completely, the paper on the outside is made from blue jeans! The wood scene print is a lino cut on handmade paper.

The shower gel is "moonlight path," my favorite bath & body scent, and very appropriate to the theme Light in the Darkness.

The tapers are dripless, which is always nice... no need to worry about them damaging finishes!

In the bowl is a packet of seeds to attract honeybees.

The book is called "Skinny Bitch" and was included because it changed Lisa's diet habits and she wanted to share that with me. Maybe the book will awaken the Skinny Bitch in me, as right now, it's just a Fat Unhealthy Bitch! I can't wait to read it.

Lastly, there was some Jasmine Garden tea, a new flavor to me.

Since she should have received what I sent by now, going ahead and showing what I sent.

The red/purple things is a star paper lantern. I love starlight and I love the paper lanterns. I thought she might enjoy the lantern. Included were the bulbs and a cord fixture.

In front of the lantern is a scrying mirror that I made. These are normally round, but I actually prefer the rectangle. This was a take on the light in the darkness theme, as you seek for knowledge in the darkness of the mirror.

There is a gargoyle, just like one I have in my aquarium, as she collects them. Behind the gargoyle is a sun and moon plaque.

The magnet in the front says, "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

The candle is called "Daylight". Cool, huh?

There is a worry stone, just for fun.

Books: "Everyday Sun Magic" just seemed to suit the theme. "Awaken your Goddess" is because my partner stated she was looking for ways to welcome the goddess into her life. Awareness and knowledge are lights, if you think about it.

For some reason, I am having tons of problems posting to LJ lately. My first sentence up there was not supposed to be under the cut, but it will not let me edit it.

I finished a plushie for one of Nicki's friends. It is cthulhu, a nasty H.P. Lovecraft creature:

He looks better in person. I am a horrible, horrible photographer.

I also finished a Spring Goddess doll, almost exactly like one I finished two years ago, for a swap-bot swap. I haven't even been assigned my partner yet, but I have her ready to go. I will post pics of her later. I am working on some tip in pages for morrigane . Too funny, I was finishing her page for a series of swaps we are doing on swap-bot and when March's partners were assigned, I am sending to her again!

I am feeling a lot better today. I got up in the middle of the night to drive Nicki to Nashville, as she is going to South Carolina this weekend to see a friend. After that, I came back home and slept. Stayed out of work again, as I need the rest. I do plan on going to work tomorrow if I continue to feel better. I have been invited to The Mark this weekend for a Valentine party and and thinking about going. I don't know, I probably should stay home and rest some more. But it is tempting. It's a $15 door charge and it's nice to have someone else pay that.... normally I fend for myself at the door. We'll see how I feel.

I have made the decision to let my house go. It was a tough decision, but I honestly don't know how I will manage after Nicki moves out... it will put me $300-$400 over budget EVERY month. Disaster. I don't expect to make anything off the sale of the house, but hopefully I will break even. My heart is hurting over it, but it has to be done. I can't take on a second job while my health is in such a precarious state. It would be counter-productive.

I am just so damn tired. And tired of being tired.

Another grand catch up

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 14:06:15 GMT

It has been quite a while since I could update. Between health issues and LJ not allowing me to update (GGRRR), I just have been pretty quiet. Putting a lot of this under cuts, so as not to clutter up people's FLists.

I am still seeing doctor and doctor about all the stuff that needs to be done to make me "all better." I was supposed to have my tonsils out by now, but I have been battling bronchitis and a sinus infection, so having to wait. I had a sleep study done and confirmed severe sleep apnea. I knew that the probability was there for that diagnosis, but I was overwhelmed when I got my results, as it was far more severe than I dreamed it could be. I stopped breathing 52 times in an hour. No wonder I am so damn tired. Anyway, they woke me up to attach me to a CPAP and I still stopped breathing a few times until they got the right air pressure. Once I finally was at the right pressure, I went into REM sleep for TWO HOURS!!! Amazing. They called it REM rebound. However, even though I have the machine at home now (and boy howdy, is it expensive), I haven't been able to use it, due to the bronchitis and sinus infection. Bleah.

And this delays having my hand seen to. I got a huge lecture from my PCP last week about putting off the surgery on my hand, nerve damage, etc, but I am sorry... breathing is more important to me right now.

Follow up at gyno was not good-have to go back for yet another biposy and probably another round of radiation.

The good thing is that other than a blip the week of the sleep study, my BP has been almost normal.

It has been bitterly cold quite a bit in the past few weeks and neither Nicki or I can bear to go into the kitchen because it is so cold, so the kitchen is messy and we have been wasting money on take-out. The messiness is making me nuts, but honestly, I can't stand to go in there. It was 42 degrees in there the other morning. Today, the temp is supposed to be in the 70's! If the kitchen warms up, I may venture in there to tidy and wash the sink full of glasses. Tennessee weather......

I have been really busy with full_moon_swaps and swap-bot... not to mention school. This semester is kicking my butt.

I received a lovely pocket goddess from gypsytemptress via swap-bot. I think it is hilarious to be paired up on another site with the same people from LJ. I don't have a pic of the goddess she sent yet, but as soon as I post my pics of my updated water altar, I will show it off. It is cross stitched, a lovely blue goddess.

Swap-bot has paired me with morrigane several times, right on the heels of our FMS swap in October. Too funny.

I needed a good laugh this weekend so splurged on a Valentine toy for YoYo. He loved it and has almost ripped all of the stuffing out by now. He is so funny when there is a new stuffed toy in the house. He won't let go of it and drags it everywhere.

I wrote another lovely paper about frugal shopping and debated starting another journal just for that type of thing, as after the first paper I wrote in the fall, which I recycled into a Toastmasters speech, I made a zine, which was so well received, I ended up printing again two more times. I gave out 23 of them, which isn't bad. After the 2nd paper, which I again recycled into a speech, I made another zine, which I haven't distributed yet. Need some $$ before printing. Anyway, at work, I am considered somewhat fo an expert and since times are so hard, I have been invited to speak to other groups and distribute the zine. I thought a blog dealing with the issue of frugal living would be nice, but there are already SO many, I just don't want to repeat things. Need to think on it some more.

Speaking of frugal, I left work early one day, as I was feeling so awful, and because of that , was able to pick up a really cool trash treasure. This was sitting out at the end of a driveway, waiting for garbage pick up:

Since I was feeling so rough, it was hard to get the chair loaded in my tiny car, but I was determined to have it. The seat still has the plastic on it, ripped in a few places. I will recover the seat. There is also a couple of wooden buttons missing for trim, but that is an easy fix. Some paint, a little fabric, adn I will have a lovely chair. I am using it at the computer and it is very comfy. There is nothing wrong with it, a very sturdy chair, just needs cosmetic work. People throw away anything, I swear....
Picking this up exhausted me, I was feeling so horrible.... the neighbor unloaded it for me, bless him.

More later, going back to bed....still so tired.....

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 14:29:22 GMT

Photography is most definitely NOT my strong suit....and photobucket was being a brat this morning. I cropped every single one of these pics and photobucket shows them cropped, yet here.... not cropped. WTH?

Tag for oreon from swap-bot. She requested a purple goddess doll. I can tell that I am tired of winter and ready for spring, as I did not intend for the goddess to be a spring goddess, but that is how it ended up.

I also finished my pocket goddesses for "Goddess in My Pocket" Swap. each one is 3" tall:
Fire Goddess is for oreon, same as the flower goddess above. The bead detail is lost on the picture, unfortunately. I thought it was funny she was assigned to me in a swap just after the Tag in the forums.

Desert Goddess is for LynnA. Again, details lost....

Summer Goddess is for BastCrystal. Again... detail lost. Those are flowers on the bottom of the figure. I am so ready for warm weather.

Wheel of the Year Tip-In pages

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 15:58:01 GMT

Cold Moon

Birch Moon

I finished my tip-ins for hag53's altered book/BOS. I made a card style spread, so she can insert it into her book either attached or split apart. The theme is January's full moon and I chose to include information about the Celtic Cold Moon or Birch Moon. It is very plain, but I wanted to give the sense of darkness and the moon shedding light.

Front and opened spread. The back just has my info, so not interesting. Didn't bother to scan it. :)
The left side has some general information:

The Celts showed their respect for the moon by using euphemisms such as gealach - meaning ‘brightness’, and never referring directly to ‘the moon’. Manx fishermen followed this custom up until the nineteenth century, referring to the moon as ben- reine ny hoie - ‘queen of the night’.

The Birch Moon is a time of rebirth and regeneration. As the Solstice passes, it is time to look towards the light once more. When a forested area burns, Birch is the first tree to grow back. The Celtic name for this month is Beth, pronounced "beh". Workings done in this month add momentum and a bit of extra "oomph" to new endeavors. The Birch is also associated with magic done for creativity and fertility, as well as healing and protection. Tie a red ribbon around the trunk of a Birch tree to ward off negative

energy. Hang Birch twigs over a cradle to protect a newborn from psychic harm. Use Birch bark as magical parchment to keep writings safe.

The right side has some correspondences:

colors: black, white, silver

gemstone: hematite

trees: birch, hazel

goddesses: Inanna, Freyja

animal: white stag

herbs: thistle, nuts, marjoram

element: air

properties: creativity, purification, protection, beginnings, healing

Meetings and New Friends, Doctors and Life

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 02:18:19 GMT

It's been a week and I never posted about this. Shame on me.

Last Saturday afternoon, I finally got to meet Barbara and Randall, something we have planned several times and wasn't able to do because of various reasons. I was determined that nothing was going to stop me from going this time.

We met at Outback and I was all gussied up in my new black blouse and jeans and my favorite strappy silver heels. The first thing that happened when we were seated was that a tray of iced tea was dumped in my lap.

Of course.

First time I meet someone and I have to sit during dinner feeling like I wet my pants. Ugh. I am so glad it wasn't a first date or meeting with someone I was romantically interested in. That would have been so terrible and embarrassing......

I had a really fantastic time despite the tea incident and we plan to hang out again sometime soon. They are a fun couple and it was nice to have adult conversation about some common interests.

Went to the sleep study doctor today and have a follow-up sleep lab on the 18th. I am dreading it, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. She pretty much echoed what the ENT told me in November. She also offered the solution of a CPAP, rather than breaking my jaw to realign the jawline, which was definitely a wonderful thing.

Side note... something that has irritated me for a few weeks. I have told several people about the possibility of having to have my jaw broken to realign it so I can breathe. It's pretty serious to me. Everyone... everyone... except ONE person has greeted that news with expressions of sympathy, empathy, and support. Steve S thought it was funny and made a very inappropriate bondage related joke. I was not amused. This was after he showed up nearly an hour late for our date.... I tried to ignore those two things and enjoy the evening and for the most part I did enjoy. However... it has preyed on my mind. I have given him several chances to show that he has matured and I believe that he has proven that he has NOT matured at all. I posted some time ago about that.... and I am very happy that I was cautious about re-establishing a relationship. It won't be a wrench to sever the cord

And to add to the wierdness... the picture I posted a couple posts back with my sisters.... I was photo sharing on Yahoo messenger and closed it after I showed it to Steve S. He got upset because he was trying to save it. Huh? What for? It is an old picture of me AND MY SISTERS, while we were minors. I was merely sharing a happy day and didn't give a thought to him saving it. I could never get him to explain why he wanted to save it, so I put it down to some obsessive wierdness and moved on. But it was creepy, to be honest.

He is just very arrogant and think the world revolves around him and it's okay to make fun of people. One of the most irritating things about him is his attitude of superiority to servers/waiters. I worked in retail and restaurant for 20 years and jerks like him are why I stayed so exhausted. Smiling and being pleasant to assholes is just not easy

This has been a terribly long week at work and I am SO glad it is over. I plan to clean and work on crafty things this weekend.

I will be one of seven moderators for full_moon_swaps , something I am very excited about. The announcement will be made in the next day or so, then I will announce the February theme. I have been really discouraged about that community, thinking I found it just as it was gasping its last breath. I hope we can keep it going and stay true to songtoisis 's vision, while implementing new ideas and plans.

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I am just amazed......

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 04:14:17 GMT

Leonard Nimoy photography

www.leonardnimoyphotography.com/7body.htm

Warning:clicking takes you to nudity

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 12:28:50 GMT

My sister brought an old picture to me that I have propped up by the computer until I can get it framed. It is one of those cheesy souvenir photos from Opryland (theme park that no longer exists). The picture is of me and my two younger sisters. I was 17, and they were 13 and 11. I took them to the park for their birthday presents and we had SO much fun. When we were younger we were not able to do things like that very often. I was waitressing at Cracker Barrel and I saved all the coins I received in tips until a popcorn tin was full and that was for their birthday. We had over $500 to blow, a lot of money in the 80's for three poor girls! In the photo, we all look so innocent and happy. The hat I am wearing is epic. I was thrilled to see it again. Was a good memory.

After a few days of mild weather, it is turning windy and bitterly cold again. When I took the dogs out earlier, the storm door was nearly torn from my hands. Brrrr.... it's rough to be out in the cold as soon as you roll out of bed. Yoyo hates the cold and always sulks when he comes back in if I made him go out when it is cold and/or raining. he has started trying to get on my bed lately, which makes me crazy. Whe he was a puppy, he did sleep in my bed, but he was kicked out a couple of years ago and sleeps on the sofa. He is sneaky about it too.... waits until I am asleep then he climbs, not jumps. It still disturbs me and I kick him out. Not sure why he suddenly started that again, unless he is just cold and knows he can make a warm nest in the bed. I will hit the Goodwill this weekend for old blankets and see if he will stop if he has more blankets. It is very cold in this house at night. It doesn't seem to bother Ruby, but then again, very little does. The warmest spot in the house is Nicki's room, as she keeps a heater running full blast at all times. She is always cold and she has an 11 year old cat in her room that needs heat.

A small catch up

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 12:38:25 GMT

The past couple of weeks have been busy and up and down, as always.

Biggest news is that John was here for 4 whole days! We had a good time, although we mainly stayed at home. Katie came over Saturday and we played with the Wii and then she and Nicki made soap while John and Nathan played games. I hated to see John leave on Sunday, but he has made a definite commitment to return to TN in April, when his lease is up.

Have had car issues and plumbing issues in past couple of weeks, but I refuse to dwell on them.

Doug sent me a sewing machine and I have started a number of small goddess dolls that I will complete in the next couple of weeks for PIFs and swaps. I am looking for vintage bra patterns, now that I have a decent machine. I can hardly wait to get crafting. He also sent me a camera, which is a lot of fun. I haven't had much chance to play with it yet, but am looking forward to being able to take clearer pics! Such sweet and thoughtful gifts. But that is Doug. That Christmas tree he sent was a big hit with the kids. :)

Bon & J are fighting.... depressing.

I passed my courses, although since that last paper I handed in was so bad, I dropped from an A to a C. I am not ashamed of it... A C is respectable after being out of school for 25 years, but it irritates me that I let a work project take precedence over school. This also means I am only reimbursed 50% for tuition, which sucks.Won't happen again. I dropped out of all committee and projects at work. I just want to go in and work... then go home. I still need to finish those last two speeches in Toastmasters. I put them off in November, but have asked if I can do a speak-a-thon to get both out of the way before I schedule those damn surgeries. We'll see.

Was doing some research for an elemental altar today:

Air-
East (duh)

Projective energy, intelligence, creativity, communication, imagination, ideas, dreams, wishes, psychic powers, travel

Symbols: wind, breezes, clouds, feathers, smoke, herbs, incense

Goddesses: Aradia, Arinrhod, Urainia
Gods: Enlil(another raping god, for crying out loud)
Spirits: zephyrs (I love that word), fairies, tree spirits

Colors: yellow, white

Stones: topaz, pumice, rainbow stones, crystals, amethyst, alexandrite

Metals: tin and copper

Animals: eagle, spider, raven

I think from this, I can come up with a great altar to put by my crafting area......

New challenge

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 15:13:06 GMT

I need to get out of my head and all the PIFs and tags I did in the last few weeks did improve my mood.

Grrr....

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:13:23 GMT

I thought I was going to make it through December with no major problems. I have a doctor appointment this morning and the engine light is on......2 weeks after it is paid off, the engine light goes on. It's like the car KNOWS!

This is the 3rd time I have had to reschedule this appointment and I need to get it out of the way before surgery, as it is the sleep study. Making me NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, because I bought Christmas gifts for the kids ( I knew better than to spend money....) I have zero left to fix the car. I will have to return everything and it is aggravating me to the extreme.

Waiting for Nathan to show up to take a look.

Okay... I caved

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 14:45:51 GMT

After several years with no Christmas whatsoever for a lot of reasons, Doug shamed me into putting up a tree and having a present or two for each kid. He sent me a tree! Crazy, silly man.

He also sent stockings for each of us. So sweet. And so unexpected. He always surprises me. In the interest of promoting Christmas spirit, he also sent me a stack of Christmas CDs.... instrumentals mainly, as I have mentioned how much I dislike most Christmas CDs. There is a soft jazz one that is fabulous.

John will be here Wednesday evening. I am so excited and I know he is too.

Opryland Hotel

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 20:27:20 GMT

This is from my annual birthday walk through Opryland Hotel on 11/29. Steve S. very kindly took pics while we were there and sent them to me.

Hard to see, but this is one of my favorite spots in Opryland Hotel. This is in the conservatory, viewing the pond from a bench. Behind the bench is a gazebo.

From the upper walkway, one of the gazebos.

And the trees, my very favoritest part of the Hotel. I wish they would nix the nativity scene, as I think it ruins the magic of the trees, but oh well.

Here ya go, Heidi!

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:07:02 GMT

Received an amazing array of wintery comfort from GoDIva on N'ness:

Here are all the goodies. Look at the bows, all made by GoDiva, a tradition in her family. All the packages had Christmas trivia tags attached to them. For "To Grandmother's house we go," a lovely vintage inspired apron, made by Trish:

I feel like I should be baking cookies in that apron!

For "Oh, Sparkly," Trish thought outside the box! Christmas music galore! I can't wait to try the hot chocolate- The 3 little teensy cups are very unusual and have found a home in a special niche. There are 3 Valentine ATCs for "My funny Valentine":

My favorite thing is the incredible handmade journal (New Year's Resolutions) and pens (Regifting). The little felt snowman bag is adorable and holds a map of ski areas (winter where I am):

I also received two wonderful items from swap-bot tags. A sun/moon bag that I will have find a special use for and a cute little amulet bag with "Dreams" tag:

Monday, Monday

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 11:30:23 GMT

So cold......

It was a busy weekend, worked Saturday, then cleaned all day yesterday. I am exhausted and yet I am nowhere near being finished cleaning. I cleaned the aquarium again and put new plants in. It is lovely, if I do say so myself.

I also finished the pagan/wiccan matchbox desk for the swap I am angeling for swap-bot. Honestly, glad to finish that one, as it was giving me the fidgets. Not my cup of tea at all.....

It is far from perfect, but I have tons of matches here, and no boxes now, as this is the third attempt. It will have to do.
On top of the desk is a crystal ball, an offering bowl, pentacle, a wand, pictures of Rama and Venus (diverse pantheons...), candles, and to represent the elements: stone, shell, feather, and red bead.

In the drawers are:
Frankincense
Lavender
Incense
Beads
Ribbon
Parchment paper
Moon face cabochon

It is going in the mail today. Now that I have that off my conscience, I can do something fun!

I cannot get warm, and poor Nicki is frozen. Despite moving around all day yesterday, I never got warm and had to stay bundled up. It is close to unbearable this morning. I wonder if there is ANY insulation in the walls. I saw the attic and crawl space and they looked good.

The dogs are practically in hibernation mode, especially YoYo. He hates the cold.

Swaps, PIFs, Tags, and Coffee

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 03:08:36 GMT

This was for a N'ness swap... first dotee doll I have ever made and I thought it turned out cute. It is a Valentine dotee!

This was a Winter Swap... here is the rest:

The whimsy jar is winter themed, there is a little handmade journal for New Year's resolutions, a spice mat, a cookbook that reminds me of Mima, and a chocolate sleigh, also a first attempt at something new.

Today started out rough..... the coffee maker died. It was ugly. Just ugly.
Was peeing rain and sleet on the way to work and as always, people were being jerks. It took me from 6:15 to 8:00 to get to work, because of fender benders. Sheesh.

Was kinda a rough day at work, but it's over so I will move on.

I bought a coffee percolator instead of the drip type. I think coffee is better.... and it takes less counter space!

When I got home had two GREAT packages in the mail.... gwensmom sent me a box of fabulous fabric, which I was expecting, but also sent some marvelous yarns, which has me giddy with excitement. There is some super soft fuzzy green yarn that will be perfect hair for a Baba Yaga doll I have been thinking about starting at some point.

AND!! my PIF from gypsytemptress arrived, smelling yummy when I opened the mail box. There was quite a collection of BPal scents, which my daughter is trying to steal (I offered to share) , samples of moisturizers, tea.... just all sorts of tiny treasures. What a day brightener!

There was also a belated birthday card from Bill's precious mother, that made me bawl like a baby, I miss him (and her) so much.